everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Randomize
