thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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