Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Randomize
