Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Randomize
