The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
