I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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