Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
