he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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