theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
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