so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
