it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
