Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
