Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Randomize
