The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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