Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
