the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Let's get the cat blown out
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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