glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
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