Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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