I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize