we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
