My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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