Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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