White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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