Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
