Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
