just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
