Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
