remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
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