I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
