Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize