Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
i believe in u and ur pee
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
