I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
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