Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Randomize