Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
