i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
