I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
as a side note pls kill me
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
