I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
