i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize