I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
