I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
