i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
