Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Randomize
