Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
