btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
