I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
