after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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