fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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