next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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