Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
