I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
