Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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