the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
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