dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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