Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Randomize
