even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
