im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
