6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
