so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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