I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
