i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Randomize
