Four minutes until I can fart!
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
