Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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